The other day, the headline of an article caught my eye. Something like "Why Parents Shouldn't Use Time-Outs." I rolled my eyes, as you can imagine, but was curious enough to read it. Well, some of it. I got a couple of paragraphs in and then felt the spirit of my dearly departed Papa Wood rising up in me with a mighty "BULL ROAR!" flying out my mouth. The gist of the article is that time-outs are damaging to a child's psyche...that the separation caused by a time-out can have lasting effects on the parent-child bond...that you need to reason with the child (I'd like to have seen one of these "experts" reasoning with four year old Y2, in full blown tantrum...HA!). I know...I probably should have read the article in it's entirety, but I'm afraid of what might have come out of my mouth after "BULL ROAR!"
For me, as The Younglings were coming up, a time-out was handy. Often times, it was me who needed the time-out to figure out what to do with one or two naughty boyos. Time-outs were useful when punishment was needed, but the infraction wasn't severe enough for a spanking. (We spanked. There. I said it.) Having Y1 spend a few moments in quite solitude often worked wonders because he's truly my child....and didn't like to miss out on the action. Being separated from the goings on at hand was motivation enough to stay between the lines. For Y2, time-outs were useful when he had his melt downs and boy, oh, boy...could he throw a humdinger of a melt down! It gave him time to get a grip, for cryin' out sakes! The boyos were never restrained during a time-out. They were never left in the time-out for hours on end. I used a timer or some sort of definitive signal to mark the end. I never stood over them shouting or berating them. And when they were done sitting, there were always hugs and kisses waiting.
This kind of parenting advice breeds fear. It's also fed by fear. Someone please explain to me WHY, on God's good earth, I should be afraid of parenting my child? Neither one of my boyos came into this world knowing anything. They had instincts, but no knowledge. Instincts aid in survival...knowledge aids in living and there's a difference. Raccoons have instincts...when they are hungry, the nearest trash can is the best buffet in town. They eat, they survive....until in a garbage buffet induced coma, they scamper across a busy road and get hit by a car. They don't KNOW any better. I'm not raising raccoons. Anybody picking up what I'm putting down?
It's my job to teach and to teach life to my boys. If I don't teach life, who will? Who has the same kind of motivation that I do? We shared the same body for the better part of three hundred and sixty-five days, for crying out sakes! I admit fear...but it's the fear of what will happen if I listen to these "experts" and shirk from my maternal duties! Modern day society, as liberal and lax as it may have become, still has certain expectations for the citizenry. Infringe or impede those expectations and there will be consequences. We all have choices. Our kids need to know how to make good choices and learn to take ownership of the moments when they choose poorly. It is what it is, my darlings.
These goobers are worried about a three year old feeling the burn of three minutes in a quiet, safe place because she's coming apart over having to wear pink sock instead of yellow socks. Give. Me. A. Break. I think they need to worry more about a state mandated time-out of twenty years to life that could have been avoided by solid, loving, consistent parenting?
Game over.
For me, as The Younglings were coming up, a time-out was handy. Often times, it was me who needed the time-out to figure out what to do with one or two naughty boyos. Time-outs were useful when punishment was needed, but the infraction wasn't severe enough for a spanking. (We spanked. There. I said it.) Having Y1 spend a few moments in quite solitude often worked wonders because he's truly my child....and didn't like to miss out on the action. Being separated from the goings on at hand was motivation enough to stay between the lines. For Y2, time-outs were useful when he had his melt downs and boy, oh, boy...could he throw a humdinger of a melt down! It gave him time to get a grip, for cryin' out sakes! The boyos were never restrained during a time-out. They were never left in the time-out for hours on end. I used a timer or some sort of definitive signal to mark the end. I never stood over them shouting or berating them. And when they were done sitting, there were always hugs and kisses waiting.
This kind of parenting advice breeds fear. It's also fed by fear. Someone please explain to me WHY, on God's good earth, I should be afraid of parenting my child? Neither one of my boyos came into this world knowing anything. They had instincts, but no knowledge. Instincts aid in survival...knowledge aids in living and there's a difference. Raccoons have instincts...when they are hungry, the nearest trash can is the best buffet in town. They eat, they survive....until in a garbage buffet induced coma, they scamper across a busy road and get hit by a car. They don't KNOW any better. I'm not raising raccoons. Anybody picking up what I'm putting down?
It's my job to teach and to teach life to my boys. If I don't teach life, who will? Who has the same kind of motivation that I do? We shared the same body for the better part of three hundred and sixty-five days, for crying out sakes! I admit fear...but it's the fear of what will happen if I listen to these "experts" and shirk from my maternal duties! Modern day society, as liberal and lax as it may have become, still has certain expectations for the citizenry. Infringe or impede those expectations and there will be consequences. We all have choices. Our kids need to know how to make good choices and learn to take ownership of the moments when they choose poorly. It is what it is, my darlings.
These goobers are worried about a three year old feeling the burn of three minutes in a quiet, safe place because she's coming apart over having to wear pink sock instead of yellow socks. Give. Me. A. Break. I think they need to worry more about a state mandated time-out of twenty years to life that could have been avoided by solid, loving, consistent parenting?
Game over.
Comments
Post a Comment