Oh, the things we collect! Baseball cards, coins, post cards, sea shells, stamps (I wonder if people still do this?), ticket stubs from concerts and various other events; t-shirts, action figures, books, tea pots...it goes on and on. Me? I used to have a thing for hummingbirds. I had figurines, bookmarks, dishtowels, a couple of Christmas ornaments, wall hangings, earrings, a charm, a brooch, a sweatshirt, coffee mugs. Made it easy for The Family when it came time for the various gift-giving occasions. It got to be TOO much and I think all that remains are the ornaments, the charm and the brooch. Saying, "Oh, I don't really collect hummingbirds, anymore." is much nicer than saying, "Your ideas of taste and beauty don't really match mine...I'm not sure they ever will." Now, I collect (hoard, stockpile...but collect sounds nicer) relationships.
Much more portable. No visible clutter. Nothing to dust. Sounds ideal, doesn't it? Consider this: every good compilation has to be maintained, evaluated, revised...sometimes thinned to insure relevance and value. I had a much easier time divesting myself of the hummingbirds than I do with my relationships. Timing...with relationships, it's all about timing. That leads me to this...how do you know when it's time to let go?
(Before we go any farther, if you see yourself in this particular serving of word salad, it is truly coincidence. This is an indictment against no one but myself and my relationship hoarding. If you and I need to do business, we will do it face to face. Perhaps this goes without saying, but I felt it needed to be said. OK, then!)
Not every relationship comes with an obvious expiration date. Some fade away quietly because of time, distance, changing interests. Some DO NOT. Some end before they really get a good chance to develop...this life moves quickly. Some ddddrrrraaaaaaggggggg through time and leave a body BEGGING for peace. Some end and you realize a good one got away. Other end and in their conclusion, relief floods the soul. Then there are the ones that you know are toxic and you know that you'd be SO much happier without them, but for various and sundry reasons, pulling the plug is easier said than done. Some are one sided. Yes, two people entered into the friendship, but all the work of maintaining it comes from one side. I've had a few of those. They are exhausting! AND THEN (Y2 often uses this conversational transition...it's his favorite!), there are the friendships that pick up right where they left off...despite time, distance, life events. I have a few of those and oh....I do treasure them! A phone call or letter (like, handwritten...on paper...delivered by the post office and everything) might pop up every three months...fresh and lively...like no time has passed.
Culling relationships is hard for me. (Have we talked about this before? I feel like we have...I'm sorry if this is like a bad rerun...it feels so familiar, but it's been weighing on my mind.) Even when there are OBVIOUS signs that the end is near...blinking neon, with scrolling marquee kind of obvious...it's hard for me to let go. I feel guilty...even though it might be something that HAS to happen. I get lost wondering if I could have done more...been more available...chosen "A" instead of "B"...said "yes" instead of "no." So much for a clutter free collection, right?
I guess what I'm learning...what I'm trying to say...is that not every friendship is meant for a lifetime. Our hearts and lives intertwine with those around us according to a particular season in life...a particular event...a common thread. Life changes with every breath. What once bonded two individuals can't help but change with it. It is what it is...liking it or feeling good about it doesn't matter.
Maybe I better go back to stockpiling hummingbirds!
Much more portable. No visible clutter. Nothing to dust. Sounds ideal, doesn't it? Consider this: every good compilation has to be maintained, evaluated, revised...sometimes thinned to insure relevance and value. I had a much easier time divesting myself of the hummingbirds than I do with my relationships. Timing...with relationships, it's all about timing. That leads me to this...how do you know when it's time to let go?
(Before we go any farther, if you see yourself in this particular serving of word salad, it is truly coincidence. This is an indictment against no one but myself and my relationship hoarding. If you and I need to do business, we will do it face to face. Perhaps this goes without saying, but I felt it needed to be said. OK, then!)
Not every relationship comes with an obvious expiration date. Some fade away quietly because of time, distance, changing interests. Some DO NOT. Some end before they really get a good chance to develop...this life moves quickly. Some ddddrrrraaaaaaggggggg through time and leave a body BEGGING for peace. Some end and you realize a good one got away. Other end and in their conclusion, relief floods the soul. Then there are the ones that you know are toxic and you know that you'd be SO much happier without them, but for various and sundry reasons, pulling the plug is easier said than done. Some are one sided. Yes, two people entered into the friendship, but all the work of maintaining it comes from one side. I've had a few of those. They are exhausting! AND THEN (Y2 often uses this conversational transition...it's his favorite!), there are the friendships that pick up right where they left off...despite time, distance, life events. I have a few of those and oh....I do treasure them! A phone call or letter (like, handwritten...on paper...delivered by the post office and everything) might pop up every three months...fresh and lively...like no time has passed.
Culling relationships is hard for me. (Have we talked about this before? I feel like we have...I'm sorry if this is like a bad rerun...it feels so familiar, but it's been weighing on my mind.) Even when there are OBVIOUS signs that the end is near...blinking neon, with scrolling marquee kind of obvious...it's hard for me to let go. I feel guilty...even though it might be something that HAS to happen. I get lost wondering if I could have done more...been more available...chosen "A" instead of "B"...said "yes" instead of "no." So much for a clutter free collection, right?
I guess what I'm learning...what I'm trying to say...is that not every friendship is meant for a lifetime. Our hearts and lives intertwine with those around us according to a particular season in life...a particular event...a common thread. Life changes with every breath. What once bonded two individuals can't help but change with it. It is what it is...liking it or feeling good about it doesn't matter.
Maybe I better go back to stockpiling hummingbirds!
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