If Mama Goes to Big Lots...

If Mama's out of coffee filters, she might drop Y1 off at work (at Mr. Cathy's chicken shack), and go to Big Lots.

While she's there, she'll head down the aisle where the bagged coffee is and see the packaged orange slice gummy candy.  She'll have to stop and take a picture of the candy and send it to her friend Sonja.

Then she'll look up and see four bottles of lemon Italian soda and realize she better get it while the getting is good.  All four bottles.  Because she loves Italian soda just that much.

Then she'll see the jar of pickled veggies that are called "Greek Salad."  She'll put that in the buggy, too, because it's summertime and pickled veggies...in all their vinegar brine glory are wonderful in the summertime.

Then she'll wander through a couple more aisles, looking for the coffee filters.  She'll ignore someone she knows...not because she's mad at that person but is in a particularly snarky state of mind and doesn't feel like putting on her happy face. 

Then she'll notice the milk chocolate chips that she was looking for, yesterday.  All she could find, yesterday, was the dark chocolate chips and since the cookies are for the children at VBS, she bought the milk chocolate chips.  Now there are three unopened bags of chocolate chips in the house.  She will pray for restraint.

She just about gives up on the coffee filters, when a store employee says they are along the back wall, next to the coffee makers.  Of course they are!  On the way to the coffee filters, she'll see the disposable aluminum baking pans and pick up three for the supper she's going to cook for the middle school VBS.

Upon arriving home, she'll carefully remove the bags that have the glass bottles and jar from Freebie.  Four feet from the door, one of the bottles will break through the SINGLE bag holding it and the pickled veggies.  It hits the concrete garage floor with a sound very similar to a shot gun.

Y2 will sling open the door and Mama will shout, "FLIP FLOPS...YOU NEED FLIP FLOPS!"  He will return with shoes on his feet and then Mama will realize some of the broken glass grazed the surface of her leg, just above her ankle.  The good news is that it's not at all deep and her clotting factors seem to be in excellent condition.  She will have to clean it and let Y2 dress it.

Then she'll have to sweep up all the big pieces and visible shards of glass, constantly giving Y2 instructions not to touch it.  He keeps touching it! STOP TOUCHING IT!  Then she'll have to move the random packaged wall art (still boxed from the move) and extra air filters so they don't get wet.  Then she'll have to move the tents.  When all the visible glass is swept up and emptied into a double bagged garbage bag, she'll use the water hose to "clean" up the mess.  She's not really concerned about the cleanliness of the garage floor, but getting the soda diluted and removed is necessary to keep local ants from forming a buffet line to the garage.

Then she'll have to move the freezer and the car, to get the water swept out of the garage.  She'll find a couple more BIG pieces of glass under the freezer...DON'T TOUCH IT, BOY!

Then she'll call Mr. Snark to see if it's okay to use the shop vac to help clean up the mess. Y2 is very good with the shop-vac. 

When everything looks as clean as it can be, she'll close the garage door, so the floor can dry.  Then she'll unpack the bags and see the coffee filters and wish that it was cold enough for a hot cup of coffee.

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