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This entry is liable to be slightly schizophrenic.  It may run the gamut from morose to mystified...hitting several stops along the way.  My thoughts are racing through my brain and if you were to chart the pattern, I imagine it would be similar to that of a roller coaster.  So, if you are prone to motion sickness, you might want to grab your medicine. 

This week, I read the obituary of a twenty-one year old young woman.  Let me repeat that...she was twenty-one.  When I tell you that she died from complications due to prolonged drug use, will you automatically assume that she had no home training?  Do people still do that?  It's very easy to do because, how else do you explain it?   In her case, it can't be blamed on lack of raising.  I knew her...I know her family.  Her mother is a friend of mine from my teaching days.  We literally taught together...in the same portable classroom unit.  For those of you outside the know, that is nothing more than a double-wide trailer!  Her parents were educated and hard working.  She was raised with love and encouragement.  She was taught right from wrong.  She was challenged and expected to meet her abilities...and she did!  I remember that about her little girl self.  Funny, happy, joyful, bright...everything that she should have been at eight or nine years old.  And SMART, oh, she was so smart!  Smart enough to go on to be one of the top graduates (I seem to remember that she may have even been valedictorian) in her class.  On paper, it looks like the recipe for a beautifully bright future. 

Reality trumps paper...every time.

Did she think something was missing in her life?  Was she trying to numb a bone deep hurt?  I don't know.  I don't know the details of this precious girl's struggle.  My experience with addiction is solely based on things I've read and heard; the testimonies of recovering addicts.  When it's all boiled down, it starts with a lie...straight from the pits of Hell.  The lie says that you can make the hurt go away and fill up that soul-level hole with drugs/alcohol.  Here's the truth....there is NOTHING that you can smoke, drink, chew, swallow, snort or shoot into your veins that will exorcise the pain from your life.  It can provide a temporary escape, if you want to call it that.  When the "party" is over...on the other side of the high, there are the unexpected guests of more anger, more self loathing, more confusion, regret, shame and disappointment.  Sounds like a good time, doesn't it?  NOT!  Someone saw my young friend in a moment of weakness.  Someone preyed upon her vulnerability.  Someone lied to her.  She made choices, in spite of her own good raising and intelligence.  She heard this lie.  She chose to believe it.  And she died.

My mind has been consumed by the finality of this.  She was robbed of SO much.  She robbed her family of SO much.  No college graduation or getting that first real job. No marriage proposal.  No wedding planning.  No dress shopping.  Her daddy won't get to walk her down the aisle.  Her mama won't get to hold her hand as she labors to birth her first child.  She won't be around to celebrate the birthdays of her nieces and nephews.  She won't be around to help her brother and sister care for their parents in their later years.  These things loop through my mind.  Maybe it's because I knew her and this hits close to home.  Maybe it's because of how young she was.  Maybe it's because she was given the tools and opportunities for a beautiful life and STILL couldn't see past the lies.  If she can't...if other kids coming from this place can't make it, how in the world are the kids who grow up without this springboard going to survive?  It doesn't make sense. 

Enter God's grace.  It is by His good grace that my life didn't take this very same path.  It could have.  Yours could have and maybe it did...and by this same good grace, you are still here...and I'm awfully glad!  I believe that this same good grace would have delivered mercy and comfort to her tortured spirit, if she had ever called out to Him.  I believe that it is this same good grace that freed my sweet young friend of the pain and torment of this earthly life.  I believe that this same good grace is what will get her family through this darkest hour.  I am astounded by this good grace and over the past few days, have been white-knuckle clinging to it. 

I'm telling you, this has just shook me to my core.  The other night, Y1 and I were both in the kitchen and I just got in his face (picture that and laugh...he's knocking on 6ft tall and I'm lucky to be 5ft 3 on a good day) and begged him, "Please, please, please!!!  Don't ever do drugs!  Promise me you won't...promise me!"  He just hugged me and chuckled and said, "I won't, Mama. I do promise!"  And since I had him in my arms...

"And don't have sex until you get married." 

Comments

  1. Oh, Michelle, my heart aches for you and this precious girls family. I know how the god of addiction causes such heartache for so many. Indeed God is the only thing that can fill us up. Praying for you all...

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  2. My heart goes out to you as well. Dealing with the loss of those we love is so hard!! Especially when they have so much to live for...
    I'm comforted by the atonement of Jesus Christ that promises that all wrongs in this life will be made right...
    A member of my church recently posted this article ( http://goo.gl/a6eqvG ) about his experience. I hope that it helps you and this family at least a little
    know that my thoughts and prayers are with you continually

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