What Not To Do At A Stoplight

Last week was Spring Break.  We left town for a few days, to see what fun we could find in Atlanta.  We found a GREAT day at Stone Mountain and I'll share more about that later.  I found a stomach virus...or it found me, around 4am on Friday.  Up at 4, up at 5, up at 6.  Have mercy!  Literally, that's what I was praying...along with, "Please, God, make it stop!!!!!"    Big shout out to our hotel...the Hampton Inn at Stone Mountain.  They couldn't come in and clean the room with me in it...their policy...completely reasonable...but they did bring fresh bed linens and a load of fresh towels and a sweet little care package. In the care package was a bottle of water, a bottle of ginger ale, antacid tablets and a microwaveable soup cup.  I thought that was VERY kind and helpful and above the call of good customer service. 

The boyos three set out on the day's adventure which included a trip to the IKEA store (WAH...I MISSED IT!!!!) and lunch at The Varsity.  My day's adventure was just to survive.  The bouts of nausea were STIFF!  All I could think about was sweet friends who have dealt with crippling nausea induced by chemo treatments...every 8-12 weeks.  I kept telling myself that this would be short lived and thankfully it was!  By about 2:30pm, I was through the worst of it.  At some point, my darlings returned....smelling like the greasy, spicy gut bombs peddled by The Varsity.  I was repulsed and jealous all at the same time.  Mr. Snark and Y1 sought refuge in the hotel lobby.  Y2 decided to sit with me for a bit.  We watched a little TV....which brings me to the inspiration for this entry.  Finally, right???  You know me...there's always the back story.  Y2 settled on an episode of Sponge Bob SP.  The one called "Procrastination." SBSP is given an assignment by his boating school teacher.  In 800 words or less, he has to come up with things that should never happen when stopped at a stop sign.  I was just short of delirious, so my mind started making a list. Humor me, will you...I was in the grips of a microbial intestinal beasty! 

  • Do not blow dry your hair at a stop sign.
  • Do not put on your make up or practice any other personal grooming activities while stopped at a stop sign.  I don't care HOW good the natural light is.  No one wants to see you plucking your chin hairs while waiting to proceed through the intersection.
  • Do not write checks at a stop sign. 
  • Do NOT text!  (Duh!)
  • While stopped at a stop sign, one should refrain from practicing American Sign Language, as other driver's might not understand what you are saying and practice a little signing of their own!
  • Do not tap dance or juggle or do yoga at a stop sign.
  • Do not sew, crochet or paint at a stop sign.
  • Do not frost a cake at a stop sign.
  • Do not write a letter at a stop sign.
  • Do NOT text! (double duh!)
  • Do not post a blog entry at a stop sign.
  • Do not offer driving instructions to fellow drivers...I don't care how bad they might be.
  • Depending on were you are, do not make eye contact with your fellow drivers at a stop sign. 
  • Do not take a selfie...please!!!!!
  • Do not blast loud, obnoxious music that has a cardiac rhythm adjusting bass line...I BEG OF YOU!
  • Do not build sand castles or make snow angels at a stop sign.
  • Do not stare directly into the sun.
  • Do not throw trash out the window...there are witnesses!
  • Do not be "that guy" who lets everyone else turn out of turn.
  • Do not get out of the car....unless your absolute JAM is on the radio and you just have to dance. 
  • Do not watch the sky for signs of alien life forms.  Trust me, if they are really out there, they'll find you if they need you.
Like I said, I was more separated from my right mind than usual.  It gave me something else to think about besides the clock and wondering when the next tidal wave of nausea would hit.  

Time to hydrate...here's to the return of good gastrointestinal health!  Slainte!

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