Been pretty quiet around The Chronicles. I'm sorry. It's not for lack of material. This relocation has been SO rude and SO obnoxious...I could write a book! My sweet friend ABG has been after me to write "the next great Southern novel," but I'm fairly certain she doesn't mean a book filled with my groaning and murmuring. I've been battling with my sense of perspective. I am thankful to say that my perspective on our current situation is not so tenuous but this is not, by far, a stronghold conquered. I'm...well, Jesus is a-workin' on that. So, I will choose to remain speechless about that and turn my attention to something else that has left me speechless in a different sense.
I have LOTS of words. I love words. (Big collective "DUH" from y'all...I got that!) But despite my affinity for vocabulary, I find myself coming up embarrassingly short when faced with the news of the break-up of a friend's marriage. There are some marital implosions that seem rather predictable. Sad, but true. This break-up wasn't one of them. The news of this came out of left field and I have spent the day trying to wrap my head around it. When did we, as a society, decide that the promises made "before God and these gathered witnesses" are negotiable? When did we, as a society, decide that "for better or for worse" and "forsaking all others" is fluid? You remember the fortune cookie episode of "Friends?" Remember that parenthetical phrase that was revealed to be the caboose of every fortune? As a side note...this was the subject of GREAT hilarity while eating supper in NYC's Chinatown this summer....amongst the adult chaperons and ministry center staffers! Explains why the kids are the way they are, doesn't it!? Is there an understood list of caveats to our marriage vows? Do they include things like: (As long as 'for worse' doesn't mean anything worse than a fender bender!), (As long as 'for poorer' doesn't mean that we have to sell the lake house and the boat and the jet ski!), (As long as 'in sickness' means never having to deal with anything beyond a cold or stomach virus!), (As long as 'until parted by death' really means until one of us gets bored!) or (As long as 'forsaking all others' means until someone better comes along!)?
Not having the adequate word bank for such a situation isn't a terrible loss. I'm fairly certain that being able to explain what makes a man walk away from his wife and children would require me to have first hand experience with such grief. Thanks, I'll pass! And I'm only saying "thanks" because I was well raised and my mama reads this blog! Being able to offer insight into why a man would blatantly and flagrantly participate in an adulterous relationship rings of condoning such a disastrous relationship. Again, I'll pass on that bit of "wisdom." Nitty-gritty....I really don't care why my friend's husband stepped out on her...on their family...the point is, he did and seemingly without any regard for the wreckage caused by his selfish decision.
Wait a minute! That's it: Our own selfish desires take us places we didn't intend to go, make us stay longer than we planned to stay and cost us more than we ever imagined. We get caught up in ourselves and everyone else ceases to exist. We buy into the lie that we are more important than anyone around us; even the ones closest to us...the ones that we profess to love the most. We are blinded by the shiny-sparkly lure of our own self centered interests. It's only when that faux brilliance tarnishes (and it will....it always does....nothing more than emotional/mental Fool's Gold), can we see the cold truth of this pathetic and petty way of living.
I wish that I could say this was the first time any of my friends have ever had to deal with such a problem, but it isn't. Some of my friends have fought for their wounded marriages and have had them restored, but don't you think for one minute that it was easy. I am overwhelmed by the intense love and forgiveness that is given and received in those relationships. And when I say forgiveness, I mean TRUE forgiveness. No keeping record of wrongs...no digging up of old bones long buried. Let me park here for a minute...stay with me. There's a Greek word...agape (uh-gah-pay)...it means "unselfish" or "unconditional." It's the word that is used when speaking about God's love for humanity. Read that word with your English speaking eyeballs...spelled the same, but pronounced (uh-gay-p). It means "wide-open." I don't know if the Greek word can be applied to forgiveness, but that's the kind of forgiveness required. If the Greek won't work, the English will....wide-open forgiveness.
My heart is wrecked for my friend and her children. My heart is wrecked for her husband. I think he's giving up more than he realizes and when he finally does understand how much this narcissistic ride has cost him, it will be too late. And then it will be his turn to be speechless.
I have LOTS of words. I love words. (Big collective "DUH" from y'all...I got that!) But despite my affinity for vocabulary, I find myself coming up embarrassingly short when faced with the news of the break-up of a friend's marriage. There are some marital implosions that seem rather predictable. Sad, but true. This break-up wasn't one of them. The news of this came out of left field and I have spent the day trying to wrap my head around it. When did we, as a society, decide that the promises made "before God and these gathered witnesses" are negotiable? When did we, as a society, decide that "for better or for worse" and "forsaking all others" is fluid? You remember the fortune cookie episode of "Friends?" Remember that parenthetical phrase that was revealed to be the caboose of every fortune? As a side note...this was the subject of GREAT hilarity while eating supper in NYC's Chinatown this summer....amongst the adult chaperons and ministry center staffers! Explains why the kids are the way they are, doesn't it!? Is there an understood list of caveats to our marriage vows? Do they include things like: (As long as 'for worse' doesn't mean anything worse than a fender bender!), (As long as 'for poorer' doesn't mean that we have to sell the lake house and the boat and the jet ski!), (As long as 'in sickness' means never having to deal with anything beyond a cold or stomach virus!), (As long as 'until parted by death' really means until one of us gets bored!) or (As long as 'forsaking all others' means until someone better comes along!)?
Not having the adequate word bank for such a situation isn't a terrible loss. I'm fairly certain that being able to explain what makes a man walk away from his wife and children would require me to have first hand experience with such grief. Thanks, I'll pass! And I'm only saying "thanks" because I was well raised and my mama reads this blog! Being able to offer insight into why a man would blatantly and flagrantly participate in an adulterous relationship rings of condoning such a disastrous relationship. Again, I'll pass on that bit of "wisdom." Nitty-gritty....I really don't care why my friend's husband stepped out on her...on their family...the point is, he did and seemingly without any regard for the wreckage caused by his selfish decision.
Wait a minute! That's it: Our own selfish desires take us places we didn't intend to go, make us stay longer than we planned to stay and cost us more than we ever imagined. We get caught up in ourselves and everyone else ceases to exist. We buy into the lie that we are more important than anyone around us; even the ones closest to us...the ones that we profess to love the most. We are blinded by the shiny-sparkly lure of our own self centered interests. It's only when that faux brilliance tarnishes (and it will....it always does....nothing more than emotional/mental Fool's Gold), can we see the cold truth of this pathetic and petty way of living.
I wish that I could say this was the first time any of my friends have ever had to deal with such a problem, but it isn't. Some of my friends have fought for their wounded marriages and have had them restored, but don't you think for one minute that it was easy. I am overwhelmed by the intense love and forgiveness that is given and received in those relationships. And when I say forgiveness, I mean TRUE forgiveness. No keeping record of wrongs...no digging up of old bones long buried. Let me park here for a minute...stay with me. There's a Greek word...agape (uh-gah-pay)...it means "unselfish" or "unconditional." It's the word that is used when speaking about God's love for humanity. Read that word with your English speaking eyeballs...spelled the same, but pronounced (uh-gay-p). It means "wide-open." I don't know if the Greek word can be applied to forgiveness, but that's the kind of forgiveness required. If the Greek won't work, the English will....wide-open forgiveness.
My heart is wrecked for my friend and her children. My heart is wrecked for her husband. I think he's giving up more than he realizes and when he finally does understand how much this narcissistic ride has cost him, it will be too late. And then it will be his turn to be speechless.
So sad. No marriage is without its difficulties, but God doesn't call us to do "easy." He calls us to obey. Praying that husband turns himself around mighty fast.
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