Ten Days...Five Deaths and A Wedding

Seems like we can't do anything in small doses around here.  Nor can we let things happen one at a time..it all has to happen simultaneously.  The past ten days have been eventful and the title of this blog entry lets you know exactly what's been happening around here.

Death #1...my uncle.  He used to be married to my mama's sister.  A complicated man.  Very talented on so many levels, but never could believe he was quite as capable or gifted as others saw him to be.  Serious lack of self esteem fostered by a hyper critical mother (in shape or fashion, it always comes back to the mother...just accept it and go with it)who favored  the other brother.  Extremely intelligent.  Socially awkward, at times.  His ear was sharply tuned to the voice of his inner critic, who was impossible to please.  He made choices in his life that ultimately lead to the demise of his marriage to my aunt...and caused a huge chasm between himself, his three children and their children...not to mention the rest of the family.  The news of his passing was sort of shocking as information about him has been sporadic, at best.  My heart was, is, heavy for my cousins...for my aunt.  I don't know if they ever had the chance to make reconciliation with each other.  I don't know if he was ever able to swallow his pride and ask forgiveness for the hurt and anger he caused.  Maybe they were able to release the pain without having to hear him ask.  Not an easy task.  Family members were asked to write down memories of him that would be shared at a memorial service.  So I did.  A bit of odd business, that...there are few of us outside of his former immediate household who had nice things to share.  Makes me wonder if I am remembering things correctly or if I am so predisposed to an optimistic perspective that I am trying to make a silk purse from a sow's ear?  Everything I wrote down was genuine and his oldest daughter was very pleased with it...in the end, I just want them to be able to celebrate the life of their daddy as happily as they can.  I hope that they can find comfort in knowing that he has finally found the peace in Heaven that he could never find on Earth...no matter how hard he tried.

The wedding....very sweet.  Very simple.  Lovely. Started the processional for the wedding party one song too soon...but that's okay...unless folks were acutely aware of the music that should have been playing, no one was the wiser and we managed to be graceful and elegant even in our error.  Pastor kidded with me about how smoothly the rehearsal was...easier and better than all the others we've done since May...and how it should have been a sign that something would indeed go wrong at the wedding.  HA!  First buffet dinner reception I've handled since taking the job as the church's wedding coordinator.  Raised a whole list of questions that I need to address with the wedding policy committee about my job and just how much power I have.  Had to clean up behind the caterers...not at all impressed with that.  The next wedding to come along using these folks will find their manager and I sitting down and having a "come to Jesus" meeting about what is expected of them. 

Death #2...the MIL of our dearest friends from RollingHills, GA.  Not at all a surprise as she had been in one of our local neuro-ICUs for about two months and then spent the last three weeks in the palliative care center.  They would drive to Bamaham every weekend to see about Gran and most usually, they stayed with us.  We fed them and washed their clothes and did whatever we could to help them...which didn't really feel like much. No amount of chicken and dumplings or sausage balls could reverse the impact of a steady three year diet of pills and booze on D's mama...or ease the pain that C had watching her husband struggle with the impending death of his mama.  Gran left this world about thirty minutes before I got home from the rehearsal dinner.  Her funeral was interesting.  As you can imagine, an eye crack buffet for the people watching addict that I am.  There was C's little brother and his wife...pale as paper...looking as weak as dishwater.  The youngest of the two brothers...never feeling like he measured up, even though I am assured he was the favorite...the one with the legal power to make all decisions regarding his mother's care and her estate.  Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown...true that!  There were times along this roller coaster journey that I truly believe he would have willingly given up that power.  There were people who OBVIOUSLY had not been in contact with her or had any information about her for the last 3-5 years.  They were shocked at the fact she had passed and spoke of how beautiful she looked.  Counterpoint to their astonishment were those of us shocked it didn't happen sooner.  As to her being beautiful...very kind of folks to say that, but she looked SO unlike herself that when C's mama went to the funeral home to do Gran's hair, she asked for clarification from the funeral director!  I so wanted to grab up the little girls that were there and take them casket side and tell them to make very wise and careful decisions when it comes to drugs and alcohol and the company they keep.  If not, their paths will lead to the very same end.  But I didn't...getting thrown out of a funeral home for scaring small children is not on my bucket list.  Then there was C and D and their daughter, S.  S being the only grandchild.  All three of them physically and emotionally weary from the three month long roller coaster ride...but full of peace and hope, having the assurance that Gran no longer suffered; that she had looked into the face of her Maker and would be waiting for them when it was their time to go Home.  No such hope or peace to be found upon the countenances of C and his wife.

Death #3....the news of this passing coming to me as I traveled about an hour north for #2's funeral.  PRECIOUS...PRECIOUS man from our church.  The cornerstone to his family...both daughters going through painful and messy divorces that left them to depend on their daddy to be the father figure to the four grandchildren.  He did not disappoint.  He and his wife shared forty seven years together...she joked that he fibbed to her, promising her fifty.  My own dealings with him were spare; actually having more contact with is wife, but he always had a kind word.  Dependable, hard working, sincere and genuine.  Our choir sang at his Homegoing service and there were very few dry eyes as we listened to his favorite music and the remarks made about him.  All of us were thankful that we had time between the poem written by one of his granddaughter's and our song.  It is VERY difficult to sing through tears and a runny nose!  He left a permanent mark on his family and friends and such a legacy of faith and love.

Death #4...my great Uncle J.  Married to my Granny's sister.  He was the classic grumpy old man...even before he was what I would consider truly old!  Curmudgeon is a very good word.  Smoked like a freight train...had the raspy voice and tell-tale cough.  Despite his prickly, crusty shell, I found him endearing.  He loved watching TV...and followed the daytime dramas ("stories" as my old folks called them...any witnesses?).  Game shows, talk shows, the evening news...mystery/detective shows...the original couch potato.  He like to eat out, too...fast food and the local mom and pop diners.  He worked hard to provide for his family.  He had a union job in one of the automotive related plants in Flint.  Nothing around the house or yard ever lacked repair or upkeep because he took care of it.  I know that he must have loved Granny's sister...but it wasn't a demonstrative relationship.  I spent a lot of time with them, but don't recall them having conversations or seeing them hug/kiss.  They went bowling (it's Michigan..winters are long and cold...you get dang near stir crazy if you don't do something)and traveled.  They even came to see me and Mr. Snark while we lived in TN...slept one night in our married student apartment on our sleeper sofa.  Facing up to the dementia diagnosis that my Great Aunt had gotten several months back had not been easy for him.  He's never been the care taking type and her diagnosis wasn't going to change that.  He did the best he could but it wasn't something that came naturally.  He was admitted to the hospital about a week ago with congestive heart failure that lead to a cancer diagnosis.  He died right about 24 hours after they moved him to hospice.  Not knowing if she'd be able to explain things to her mom, Favorite Cousin S told her that they needed to talk.  Perhaps God parted the clouds that have shrouded her brain because my aunt looked at her daughter and asked if Uncle J had died...and that was that.  His life was not one that bore any visible fruit of a life belonging to Christ, so there was great concern when it became clear his remaining days were short.  Uncertainty was replaced by relief and rejoicing when he assured them he would see us all again.  I worry for my aunt...will she have days that she has to be reminded that he is gone?  Will she go looking for him and be inconsolable when she can't find him? 

Death #5....same day as Uncle J...a member of our church, who had battled with cancer for the three years we've been members and some time before that.  Valiant, courageous, unflinching, fearless...completely trusting that God would give her the strength she needed for each day as each day came and that he would not leave her or forsake her.  We would run into each other at school plays...her granddaughter was a classmate of Y2.  I was always glad to see her...taking it as a sign that she felt strong enough to be out and about.  She would always tease me about the "dancing" I did in the choir loft.  Her doctors tried everything they could and were honest when there was nothing left to do.  She fought and fought...it was time to stop fighting and just rest.  So she is and we will sing in celebration of her life on Sunday.  A life that was marked and disfigured by the ravenous appetite of cancer...but it couldn't quench her spirit or her trust in God.  Many of us waiver at the first run in our stockings! 

The boyos are on Spring Break this week...as ready as they are...so am I!

Comments

  1. My goodness, what a week! Praying this week is "boring" for you all on spring break!

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