Out In The Open

"Our dysfunction is right out in the open...pardon us.  Things are a hot mess."  This was said to me upon entering the home of one of Y2's classmates.  The classmate's mother was explaining that they are in the middle of major renovation projects...new paint, new carpet/putting down hardwood flooring...the works.  I know she was referring to the state of things in the house....which really looked orderly for all that was being done...but it got me to thinking.  Here's the question....how much time do we waste trying to pretend that everything is fine...just fine?  How much time to we waste pretending to be something we aren't?  I try very hard (and sometimes, it is very hard to try very hard) to be the same wherever I am.  As hard as it is to be consistent, no matter the circumstance or situation, I find it even more difficult to conceal my true self.

So, here I am....a hot mess.  Out in the open.

• I do not have a poker face.  Ask anyone in the congregation who has watched me, in the choir loft, trying to get a wayward child's attention.
• I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Hopefully, I've gotten better as I've gotten older about letting things just roll...but it's something that I'm quite sure will always be a struggle.
• I can cry about as easily as I laugh.  When I'm over tired or working on sensory overload, it's even worse.
• My filter doesn't always work.  I'm not always as quick to think as I am quick to speak.
• I am often too quick to judge...based on things at the surface level. 
• I worry too much about what other people might think of what I've said, what I've done, how I've performed in a given situation. 
• My bark is phenomenally worse than my bite.  Face to face confrontation TERRIFIES me!
• I am a people pleaser and up until recently, to the point of being beyond overwhelmed by commitments because I was afraid of what someone might think if I said, "NO!"
• I am a nag.  Ugh...that's so unattractive.  Another aspect of myself that is a daily struggle.
• I am an idealist...and when reality doesn't match the picture in my head (which is more often than not), it tears me up!
• Gossip...it's a weakness.  My intent is NEVER malicious.  I get so caught up in trying to understand various situations; why things are playing out like they are; trying to provide solutions to problems that aren't mine to fix.  I think this is probably something that all people watchers have in common.  Well, those of us with a fully developed moral code.  

There it is...of course, the list could go on and on and on...but I really do want to keep the faithful few of you who visit regularly.  No use in scaring you away.  Not proud of any of these...but not necessarily ashamed of them.  I've never claimed to be perfect nor would I even dare the thought!  Really...the minute I pretend to be perfect, I've spoiled it.  I find the stuff that is out in the open to be far less frightening that that which is hidden, don't you?