This fall, our church started some new discipleship classes for the youth and I was asked to be part of the high school girls' class. Uh, hmm....mother of two boys...don't really know anything about high school girls other than when I was one 20+ years ago. I know the kind of girl that I want my boys to date when they are in high school. Maybe being the mother of sons can help me with the girls. I did have a good time with them on the mission trip. Maybe if I get in on this, I won't be so terrified of them! Were we this beautiful at 15, 16 and 17? Am I that beautiful NOW? There's NO WAY that I'm cool enough to hang with this bunch! I have been praying for God to help me get over my fear of these girls...these children. HA!! Oh, me....God has a sense of humor...geez! Can't be made fireproof without being put into the fire, right? Hmmm...uh...mmmmmm....ok! I'll do it. Is it hot in here...I'm feeling rather warm.
We're working our way through the book Lies Young Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Danna Gresh. I have enjoyed reading this book and wish that it had been around when I was a child. I don't usually like self-help books. To be perfectly honest, I don't find them helpful. Too many of them are written like textbooks...clinical and cold. Some of offer quick, unrealistic fixes to very deep problems that require more than positive affirmations written on cards that are attached to the bathroom mirror. To be quite frank, I've never understood how the advice of someone I don't know...who doesn't know me or the details of my problems/issues can be valid. It's like buying a car, sight unseen and without a test drive. It's like taking child rearing advice from someone who has never been a parent, has no desire to be and for that matter, doesn't even like children! But this one is different. And if it's not making a difference in the lives of my new girly-friends, it's making one in mine.
This week's topic will be Chapter 6: Lies about Ourselves. I'm teaching. I sat down and thought about some of the lies that were part of my teenage years. Some were spoken outright to me...by "friends"...by family. Some were based on my own perceptions of things. Some were never verbally uttered. Strange thing, that....understanding the thoughts, feelings, expectations of others without one word being said.
Burn baby, burn!
We're working our way through the book Lies Young Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Danna Gresh. I have enjoyed reading this book and wish that it had been around when I was a child. I don't usually like self-help books. To be perfectly honest, I don't find them helpful. Too many of them are written like textbooks...clinical and cold. Some of offer quick, unrealistic fixes to very deep problems that require more than positive affirmations written on cards that are attached to the bathroom mirror. To be quite frank, I've never understood how the advice of someone I don't know...who doesn't know me or the details of my problems/issues can be valid. It's like buying a car, sight unseen and without a test drive. It's like taking child rearing advice from someone who has never been a parent, has no desire to be and for that matter, doesn't even like children! But this one is different. And if it's not making a difference in the lives of my new girly-friends, it's making one in mine.
This week's topic will be Chapter 6: Lies about Ourselves. I'm teaching. I sat down and thought about some of the lies that were part of my teenage years. Some were spoken outright to me...by "friends"...by family. Some were based on my own perceptions of things. Some were never verbally uttered. Strange thing, that....understanding the thoughts, feelings, expectations of others without one word being said.
- You're being raised by a divorced mother. You'll be divorced, too.
- You'll have a warped view of marriage because you're being raised by a single mother.
- If you had your daddy in your house, your life would be so much better.
- It will be amazing if you get out of high school without getting pregnant.
- If you do graduate high school, I doubt you'll go to college.
- Maybe if I could shop at Arden's, Sperry's or Bojo's...that would make life easier.
- If we had more money, everything would be better.
- No one will like you because your clothes are hand-me-downs...or from KMart...or because you get free lunch.
- You probably won't finish college. You'll end up pregnant.
- If you get married before you finish college, you'll never finish.
- You don't know him...he lives there, you live here...you shouldn't marry him.
- You'll get down there with his family and they'll treat you badly and then what will you do?
- My mother's divorce is hers...not mine. I cannot be responsible for her actions, no more than my children can be responsible for mine...than she could be for those of her parents.
- My mother's relationship experiences did NOTHING but solidify in my mind what marriage SHOULD be. I saw her heartbreaks and knew that I wanted something different, something better.
- I love my daddy. He is a good man. He is a living testimony of God's grace and forgiveness. Who he is now, is VERY different from who he was when I was a little girl. He was immature and irresponsible. He was focused on himself and had nothing to give Mama...or me. I can assure you that we were better off without that as a daily presence in our lives.
- Going to be blunt....forgive me....if I don't have sex, I won't get pregnant. Next!
- Accepted to Eastern Michigan University (GO HURONS...the eagle is an interloper!)in the spring of 1989. Attended from Fall 1989 to April 1992. And paid my own way.
- Arden's, Sperry's and Bojo's were the fashionable stores in my hometown. Fashionable and expensive. I'm all growed up and can shop just nearly anywhere I choose but I choose to shop where I can get the most bang for my buck. I LOVE the thrill of a good bargain. It doesn't make sense to pay $$$ for this when I can go to another store and get it for $...plus a few other things!
- Money doesn't buy happiness. Yes...having money to pay the bills and buy the necessities is a very good thing but THINGS don't matter. They are things and can be replaced.
- Some people thing Facebook and other forms of social media are a scourge and I will admit at times, even I find it ridiculous....but not ridiculous enough to make my exit, stage right. I've already admitted to being an addict. No need to revisit that point. In my connections with high school classmates, it has been very interesting to hear what they thought about me...how they remember me. They saw a confident, caring, loud, slightly obnoxious, friendly, flirty (blushing), kind, bubbly, funny, talented, outgoing, genuine person. No joke. No exaggeration. These are words they told me. I even found out that a couple of the guys had crushes on me...but were too shy/scared to do anything about it! Seriously...me???? DUDE!!!!!! It wasn't about what I wore, where I shopped or how I paid for my lunch....it was me.
- Again....this is very simple. No sex=no baby!
- Married in 1992. BS in 1995, MS in 1996....BOO-YAH!!! That was sort of rude and immature...forgive me. Moving on!
- My courtship with Mr. Snark was not traditional. The majority of our courtship is contained in shoe boxes full of letters...some which I should probably burn so the boyos never have to see them. Make no mistake...I knew him and he knew me. He knew me better and knew more about me than people I saw everyday of my life. We wrote letters on a very consistent basis from 1987-1992. Five years' worth of conversations....and I'm not sure being in close physical proximity of him would have made it any better.
- Let me tell you about my InLoves....never ONCE did they treat me like the DIL...or their son's wife. They loved me from the moment Eric told them we were engaged. MIL told me that she trusted him and that if he loved me, she would , too. She also told me that she and FIL (I MISS HIM!)couldn't have chosen a better wife to their son if they had tried. The whole family has always been good to me. I've never felt like a stranger or outsider. Of course, I'm not the kind to be easily pushed away. Maybe that's it....maybe I just wore them down!
Burn baby, burn!
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