Seven Year Itch

I keep waiting for the moment when missing you will be easier.  True, the missing isn't as painful as when you first left us...but to say it's gotten easier, well....I just don't know if "easier" is the right word.  To be more accurate, the sense of loss is less's not as close to the surface...there is a bit more breathing room...there is distance.  The sadness isn't staring back at me from the mirror.  In a way, it's like growing another appendage:  a very awkward, uncomfortable, cumbersome appendage.  There are difficulties and complexities, at first, but then...I've just gotten used to it being there.  Some days, I hardly notice it...other days, it's in the way and bothersome every single moment.  Does that make sense?

Memories of you have been careening through my brain.  And yes, they do bring me comfort and make me smile...and make me laugh.  Sometimes I wonder if I used my time with you wisely.  Was I a good steward of our time together?  The circumstances of life and geography conspired against spending as much time with you as I might have liked.  Did you know just how much you meant to me?  Did you really know just how thankful I was...and still am...for you?  You were, to me, just about everything a girl could ask for in a "daddy."  And you were my "in-law."  Our relationship was very much a unicorn...rare, unique, precious.  The old saying is true, now that you're gone, I am acutely aware of just how precious it truly was.

That phrase..."seven year itch" most often used to describe a marriage that has moved well beyond the honeymoon, newlywed stage.  A sense of restlessness takes over...a touch of dissatisfaction with the monotonous grind of day to day life.  There's a longing for something better...relief from a burdensome existence.  I am restless...I guess like most Believers, these modern times have me dissatisfied and longing for what lies beyond.  I think of the day when I will look in to My Master's face.  I think of the moment when I will, once again, see yours...and "itchy" is a pretty good way to describe that sense of anticipation. 

I hope I never get truly comfortable with missing you.  Missing you, as I've said more than once, is just a reminder of what a blessing it was to have you in my life.  And it really, really was.

I love you...