"I've never thought I was worthy of blessings."
"I've been told that I am selfish for allowing my oldest daughter and my son to be adopted...that it was easier for me to do that than try to take care of them myself."
"My biological mother told me that she wished I'd never been born...that she should have aborted me."
"The women in my family knew what was happening to me, but they didn't do anything...like it was okay."
Sitting on my porch, with tears streaming down her face...her infant daughter asleep on Mr. Snark's chest (and I'm not sure who was more content)..."Carrie" recounted the lies that have been planted in her life. Carrie isn't her real name. Her real name doesn't matter. The fact that one of God's precious children is walking around with this kind of garbage in her soul is what matters. Each one a lie...straight from the pits of Hell. Lies are one of Satan's favorite distractions because it doesn't take much to get us to believe them. It's all about the timing...the "right lie" at the "right moment", delivered by the "right person." After awhile, it gets easier to believe them. Struggling against them is exhausting.
I've only known Carrie and her baby girl for just more than a month. Our paths crossed in such a way that the world might call happenstance. God Omniscient doesn't deal in happenstance. Trying to "fix" her situation was my first impulse. Doing the math, I am JUST old enough to be Carrie's mother...had I gotten an early jump on motherhood. As easy as it would have been to go all "Big Mama" on her, that wasn't what she needed. In my heart of hearts, I kept hearing..."Be still." So I was. I let her lead our relationship. I tried to respect her privacy and not impale her dignity/self respect for the sake of my need to "do good." Things Carrie said, things she didn't say, painted a pretty clear picture of how her life had been damaged by those closest to her. Trust was a precious commodity and to be quite honest, I wasn't sure that she had any to spare for me...a rank stranger.
What Carrie needed from me was beyond the monetary and material. Don't get me wrong, she had needs of that nature and I was glad to help. What she needed was the kind of stuff that moths and rust can't corrupt. What she needed were words of blessing, truth and life to beat back all the curses, lies and death that have been present in her life from a very early age. She needed someone to tell her that had she been the ONLY one to need a Savior, Jesus would have died JUST for her. Carrie needed someone to tell her that her life has value and purpose and that she is a unique, marvelous creation of Almighty God. She needed someone to tell her that the vultures who preyed upon her innocence were WRONG and it wasn't okay and the women who turned blind eyes were just as wrong. The desperate little girl inside of Carrie's soul needed someone to tell her that in those most terrifying moments, she wasn't alone...she's never been alone! Carrie needed someone to tell her that she gave her older children a chance for a bright future when she allowed them to be adopted. She chose their well being over her own ego. That's what good mothers do! Y'all are just going to have to trust me when I tell you she found herself in impossible situations with her oldest two children. Allowing them to be adopted was the only choice...and one that was anything BUT selfish. Carrie needed someone to tell her that NONE stand worthy before a holy God. The blessings in our life are the evidence of His love, grace and mercy. She said that no one had ever told her those things...no one had ever talked to her like this. "Well, my sweet," says I, "I'm not like everyone else." "No, ma'am! You certainly aren't!" says she.
(Let me chase a rabbit for just a minute. I know that some will read this and wonder why I didn't take her to church. Remember when I mentioned the things that Carrie said and didn't say? In the things that went unspoken, it was fearfully obvious that "The Church" and "church folks" had left a bad taste in her mouth. In case you didn't know, "The Church" and "church folks" can be very intimidating to someone like Carrie...someone dealing with the condemning voices from her past. I invited her...told her that we'd be glad to pick them up...and left it with her. The older I get, the more convinced I am that seeing Jesus is as critical as hearing about Him.)
In figuring out what Carrie needed from me, I was confronted by what I needed from her. What I needed from her? Yes...you read that correctly. I...in my beautiful home...with both of my children underfoot...with my hardworking, faithfully providing, long suffering (bless him), ever loving husband...two college degrees hanging on the wall...reliable vehicle in the garage...needed something from Carrie. To my own red faced shame, I freely confess that I needed her to remind me of just how easy my life is. I needed to be reminded that life is mean...bare knuckle, blood thirsty and relentless. I needed her to remind me of all that is good and kind and sweet in my life. I needed her to remind me of the smallest blessings of life...like having enough money to buy a cold drink on a hot day. I needed her to remind me that the "problems" of my life aren't really "problems" at all...they are inconveniences. I needed her to remind me that the smallest of kind gestures can make a difference in the life of someone who feels like she's going underwater for the last time.
I don't know if thirty minutes on the front porch was enough time to uproot the lifetime of lies that have run amok in Carrie's heart. I don't know if our thirty days of friendship is one that will go on to the end of our days. All I know is that just a little salt changes the way your food tastes. The smallest beam of light can be a life saving beacon. A little bit of love goes a long way.
And that's what she...and I...needed.
"I've been told that I am selfish for allowing my oldest daughter and my son to be adopted...that it was easier for me to do that than try to take care of them myself."
"My biological mother told me that she wished I'd never been born...that she should have aborted me."
"The women in my family knew what was happening to me, but they didn't do anything...like it was okay."
Sitting on my porch, with tears streaming down her face...her infant daughter asleep on Mr. Snark's chest (and I'm not sure who was more content)..."Carrie" recounted the lies that have been planted in her life. Carrie isn't her real name. Her real name doesn't matter. The fact that one of God's precious children is walking around with this kind of garbage in her soul is what matters. Each one a lie...straight from the pits of Hell. Lies are one of Satan's favorite distractions because it doesn't take much to get us to believe them. It's all about the timing...the "right lie" at the "right moment", delivered by the "right person." After awhile, it gets easier to believe them. Struggling against them is exhausting.
I've only known Carrie and her baby girl for just more than a month. Our paths crossed in such a way that the world might call happenstance. God Omniscient doesn't deal in happenstance. Trying to "fix" her situation was my first impulse. Doing the math, I am JUST old enough to be Carrie's mother...had I gotten an early jump on motherhood. As easy as it would have been to go all "Big Mama" on her, that wasn't what she needed. In my heart of hearts, I kept hearing..."Be still." So I was. I let her lead our relationship. I tried to respect her privacy and not impale her dignity/self respect for the sake of my need to "do good." Things Carrie said, things she didn't say, painted a pretty clear picture of how her life had been damaged by those closest to her. Trust was a precious commodity and to be quite honest, I wasn't sure that she had any to spare for me...a rank stranger.
What Carrie needed from me was beyond the monetary and material. Don't get me wrong, she had needs of that nature and I was glad to help. What she needed was the kind of stuff that moths and rust can't corrupt. What she needed were words of blessing, truth and life to beat back all the curses, lies and death that have been present in her life from a very early age. She needed someone to tell her that had she been the ONLY one to need a Savior, Jesus would have died JUST for her. Carrie needed someone to tell her that her life has value and purpose and that she is a unique, marvelous creation of Almighty God. She needed someone to tell her that the vultures who preyed upon her innocence were WRONG and it wasn't okay and the women who turned blind eyes were just as wrong. The desperate little girl inside of Carrie's soul needed someone to tell her that in those most terrifying moments, she wasn't alone...she's never been alone! Carrie needed someone to tell her that she gave her older children a chance for a bright future when she allowed them to be adopted. She chose their well being over her own ego. That's what good mothers do! Y'all are just going to have to trust me when I tell you she found herself in impossible situations with her oldest two children. Allowing them to be adopted was the only choice...and one that was anything BUT selfish. Carrie needed someone to tell her that NONE stand worthy before a holy God. The blessings in our life are the evidence of His love, grace and mercy. She said that no one had ever told her those things...no one had ever talked to her like this. "Well, my sweet," says I, "I'm not like everyone else." "No, ma'am! You certainly aren't!" says she.
(Let me chase a rabbit for just a minute. I know that some will read this and wonder why I didn't take her to church. Remember when I mentioned the things that Carrie said and didn't say? In the things that went unspoken, it was fearfully obvious that "The Church" and "church folks" had left a bad taste in her mouth. In case you didn't know, "The Church" and "church folks" can be very intimidating to someone like Carrie...someone dealing with the condemning voices from her past. I invited her...told her that we'd be glad to pick them up...and left it with her. The older I get, the more convinced I am that seeing Jesus is as critical as hearing about Him.)
In figuring out what Carrie needed from me, I was confronted by what I needed from her. What I needed from her? Yes...you read that correctly. I...in my beautiful home...with both of my children underfoot...with my hardworking, faithfully providing, long suffering (bless him), ever loving husband...two college degrees hanging on the wall...reliable vehicle in the garage...needed something from Carrie. To my own red faced shame, I freely confess that I needed her to remind me of just how easy my life is. I needed to be reminded that life is mean...bare knuckle, blood thirsty and relentless. I needed her to remind me of all that is good and kind and sweet in my life. I needed her to remind me of the smallest blessings of life...like having enough money to buy a cold drink on a hot day. I needed her to remind me that the "problems" of my life aren't really "problems" at all...they are inconveniences. I needed her to remind me that the smallest of kind gestures can make a difference in the life of someone who feels like she's going underwater for the last time.
I don't know if thirty minutes on the front porch was enough time to uproot the lifetime of lies that have run amok in Carrie's heart. I don't know if our thirty days of friendship is one that will go on to the end of our days. All I know is that just a little salt changes the way your food tastes. The smallest beam of light can be a life saving beacon. A little bit of love goes a long way.
And that's what she...and I...needed.
Praise God that you are not like everyone else. His timing is perfect, and you both were the perfect people for each other at the perfect time. You are such a blessing, Michelle. It speaks even more of your character that you noticed, and shared, where your heart benefits from this relationship. If only all the "Carries" in the world had a Michelle. I read this with tears in my eyes. You, my friend, are a light. Shine on!
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