The "S" Word

Around these parts....around this time of year...there is a four letter word that strikes fear into the heart of nearly all the residents of WayDownSouth.  (BTW, if you thought the "S" word in question was one that shouldn't fall from your lips in the presence of your mother, shame on you!)  Transplants like me and folks who have seen the world outside of Dixie's boundaries don't get nearly as nervous.  All it takes is one mention of this word in a televised forecast and wide spread panic ensues.  Snow, dear friends.  The word is snow and this worty dird (dirty word...worty dird) has been part of the local meteorological vocabulary, this week.  More specifically, at the present time, my part of Dixie is under a "winter storm warning."  We might accumulate as much as three whole inches!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Considering that we saw temperatures in the high sixties, near to seventy degrees last weekend, what ever accumulation does manage to accumulate, it won't last long.

Don't try and convince any of the born and bred Dixie-ites of that, though.  You will be wasting your breath.  Did you know that a forecast (in other estimate, a guess, a conjecture, a prediction, a supposition) of snow causes dairy cows to stop producing milk?  Bakerys also stop production, hens stop laying and you can forget the paper mills that produce certain paper products necessary to your restroom visits!  I kid...but you would think it is the gospel truth!  Let one, just ONE weather head say "snow" during his local forecast segment and see what happens at the grossery stores!  Milk, eggs, bread and toilet paper become hot commodities when snow is on the weather menu.

Case in point:  January of 1993...major snow storm hits most of WayDownSouth.  This was no little dusting.  It was like The Almighty was purging his weather closet and found some old boxes of snow and decided to use them up before they expired.  There was ice, which meant downed power lines and power outages that were pretty significant.  For what it's worth, NO ONE likes the damage and danger that an ice storm brings...even the folks who see it multiple times in one winter season.  Mr. Snark and I were in East TN.  It was my first winter in Dixie.  I was just AMAZED at how some folks reacted to just the word....not the actual thing...just its name!  The night before the storm came in, one of the local news stations sent a roving reporter to one of the local grossery stores.  Her task was to interview customers about their methods of storm preparation.  I will NEVER forget this one particular little, old lady.  She said it was just the two of them at home; her husband and herself.  Her buggy said something else.  Kid you not, there were at least six loaves of white bread, four gallons of milk and three dozen eggs.  All I could think was that if the weatherhead was wrong, she and her hubby were going to be eating LOTS of French toast. Mr. Snark and I ventured out to the store after the roads were cleared....all the hot dog and hamburger buns and pita bread a body could want...but loaf bread, f'getaboutit!  Sometimes, the tricks you learn when you grow up poor are invaluable.  I love garlic bread made out of sammich buns!

That forecast turned out to be right on the money...folks still talk about that storm.  The following year, around the same time in January, there was another big snowfall.  Our regular grossery day happened to fall on what was the night before the snow came in...guess who got caught at the store?  That would be me!  Seeing the madness up close and personal was not nearly as interesting as watching it on TV.  Again, there were the folks who thought it was some kind of "Snow-maggedon."  All I could do was chuckle, internally, and pray that no one got froggy enough to snatch a loaf of bread out of my buggy.

The Bamaham weatherheads have been hyping today's forecast since Tuesday.  As I was making my way home from a late afternoon appointment, I called the house to check our milk supply...half a gallon.  Hmmm....stop at Publix on the way home and beat the rush?  Thank you, very much, I'll take two!


  1. OK. I've heard just about enough of those warm weather reports from last weekend. I can't take turning any greener than I already am!! :)


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