Dear Y1,
I must confess something to you and I hope you won't think less of me after hearing it....I really DON'T know everything. I don't have all the answers and as confused as you may be about your current stage of life, who you are, who you want to be, your place in this world...I'm right there with you! I'm often confused about my place in your life, who you need me to be, who you wish I was. I've never parented a teenager before...you're blazing this trail.
As much as I want to always be the leader...because I'm the adult...because I'm the parent...I'm realizing that sometimes, I have to let you set the pace. I have to hang back and let you be the front runner. And that's HARD! Seriously hard! It's hardest when I have to watch you fall...and watch you figure out how to get back up. It's hard to just be still and have faith that the home training we've given you will kick in and you'll find your footing. What's worse is not always knowing when I'm supposed to step in...when you'll accept my help...when you need me to just back off and be quiet. You've known me all your life and you are well aware of the fact that me being quiet is no small accomplishment. I want to hear what's going on in your head. I want you to share your heart with me. Ok...there are things that you might be more comfortable sharing with Daddy...no problem! To be honest, I'd probably be more comfortable if you went to Daddy with these conversations. I want to hear about your dreams and your goals...I want to know what scares you...upsets you. I want us to be able to have honest conversations about most anything (again...you, Daddy...male bonding and all that).
You'll understand this so much better when you become a father. It sounds cliche but it is the gospel truth. There is so much about being a parent that you just can't understand until you, yourself, are in the trenches with your own child(ren). It might sound funny to use "in the trenches" when talking about raising children, seeing as it conjures up images of battlefields and soldiers and such. Trust me when I say this: raising children is a battlefield experience. At first, it's just you and your child. His/her will against yours and let me just stop right here....determination, stubbornness and strong wills run DEEP in your genes...on both sides of your family...and it only seems to become more ingrained with each generation...in other words, we don't do milquetoast. Consider that your warning. Then the world starts to creep in...and the battle intensifies and there will be days that you feel like you are fighting for the very heart and soul of your child....because you truly are. These are the moments that send me to my knees...begging God for His protection over you...claiming the truth of His promises over your life. So many times, these prayers go on in my head and in my heart...so many more times, I speak them outloud. I say them out loud because I need to hear them and be reminded of them. I say them out loud because Satan and his demons have to flee in the presence of God's truth....they are the light that dispels all darkness.
I guess all of this is to tell you just how much I love you. You have changed my life profoundly...from the very moment the doctor confirmed your conception. I've never known anything as beautiful as being your mother. I've never known anything as frightening, either! The time you have left with us...under this roof...is very short. In four short years, you will be standing on the edge of your future...a lifetime of adventures waiting for you. Will you be ready? Will you feel like we've done the best we could to prepare you? Promise me that you'll always do your best to make good decisions. Promise me that you'll always keep God at the center of your life. Promise me that you'll ask Him for direction and guidance and wisdom. Promise me that you'll seek a life filled with God's purpose. Promise me that you will pursue joy and laughter. Promise me that you will not inhibit the servant's heart that I see beating in your chest. Promise me that you won't hold it against me when you realize that I made mistakes along this journey and that you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried my best.
We've still got a little time to walk this road together...I promise to try and recognize the moments when it's your turn to lead...if you'll promise to let me do the same. I also promise to try and recognize the moments when we can walk side by side....and when no one's looking...can we still hold hands?
I must confess something to you and I hope you won't think less of me after hearing it....I really DON'T know everything. I don't have all the answers and as confused as you may be about your current stage of life, who you are, who you want to be, your place in this world...I'm right there with you! I'm often confused about my place in your life, who you need me to be, who you wish I was. I've never parented a teenager before...you're blazing this trail.
As much as I want to always be the leader...because I'm the adult...because I'm the parent...I'm realizing that sometimes, I have to let you set the pace. I have to hang back and let you be the front runner. And that's HARD! Seriously hard! It's hardest when I have to watch you fall...and watch you figure out how to get back up. It's hard to just be still and have faith that the home training we've given you will kick in and you'll find your footing. What's worse is not always knowing when I'm supposed to step in...when you'll accept my help...when you need me to just back off and be quiet. You've known me all your life and you are well aware of the fact that me being quiet is no small accomplishment. I want to hear what's going on in your head. I want you to share your heart with me. Ok...there are things that you might be more comfortable sharing with Daddy...no problem! To be honest, I'd probably be more comfortable if you went to Daddy with these conversations. I want to hear about your dreams and your goals...I want to know what scares you...upsets you. I want us to be able to have honest conversations about most anything (again...you, Daddy...male bonding and all that).
You'll understand this so much better when you become a father. It sounds cliche but it is the gospel truth. There is so much about being a parent that you just can't understand until you, yourself, are in the trenches with your own child(ren). It might sound funny to use "in the trenches" when talking about raising children, seeing as it conjures up images of battlefields and soldiers and such. Trust me when I say this: raising children is a battlefield experience. At first, it's just you and your child. His/her will against yours and let me just stop right here....determination, stubbornness and strong wills run DEEP in your genes...on both sides of your family...and it only seems to become more ingrained with each generation...in other words, we don't do milquetoast. Consider that your warning. Then the world starts to creep in...and the battle intensifies and there will be days that you feel like you are fighting for the very heart and soul of your child....because you truly are. These are the moments that send me to my knees...begging God for His protection over you...claiming the truth of His promises over your life. So many times, these prayers go on in my head and in my heart...so many more times, I speak them outloud. I say them out loud because I need to hear them and be reminded of them. I say them out loud because Satan and his demons have to flee in the presence of God's truth....they are the light that dispels all darkness.
I guess all of this is to tell you just how much I love you. You have changed my life profoundly...from the very moment the doctor confirmed your conception. I've never known anything as beautiful as being your mother. I've never known anything as frightening, either! The time you have left with us...under this roof...is very short. In four short years, you will be standing on the edge of your future...a lifetime of adventures waiting for you. Will you be ready? Will you feel like we've done the best we could to prepare you? Promise me that you'll always do your best to make good decisions. Promise me that you'll always keep God at the center of your life. Promise me that you'll ask Him for direction and guidance and wisdom. Promise me that you'll seek a life filled with God's purpose. Promise me that you will pursue joy and laughter. Promise me that you will not inhibit the servant's heart that I see beating in your chest. Promise me that you won't hold it against me when you realize that I made mistakes along this journey and that you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I tried my best.
We've still got a little time to walk this road together...I promise to try and recognize the moments when it's your turn to lead...if you'll promise to let me do the same. I also promise to try and recognize the moments when we can walk side by side....and when no one's looking...can we still hold hands?
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