Underneath It All

To my fellow travelers on this journey of life....

There seems to be a bit of confusion about a certain topic and I'd like to offer my assistance in putting this confusion to rest.  Underwear belong UNDER your clothes.  I know.  It seems like a simple thing, but there are so many of us that seem to have difficulty grasping this concept.  To further enhance the comprehension of this matter, let me share a few simple rules that will make things SO much easier for the rest of us...and by that I mean, those of us who FULLY understand where UNDERclothes belong...UNDER our clothes!  At this point, I will issue a warning to my male readers...my descriptions my be a bit graphic, so step away from the computer if this might be more than you need to know.

1. Gentlemen, wearing britches that are extremely over sized or cut so low that your boxers have no choice but to be seen above the waistband is NEVER a good choice.  Never!  As a life time member of the female population, I can tell you that there is NOTHING attractive about seeing your shorts!  NOTHING!
2. Gentlemen, those skinny strapped, ribbed white t-shirts (aka "wife beaters")are NOT appropriate for anything beyond the gym, the beach or your front yard while you are accompanied by your lawnmower.  There's no way to say it delicately, YUCK!
3. Ladies, wearing a colored brassiere under your white shirt is NOT a fashion trend...it is TACKY!  The color of your underpinning is NONE of my business; nor that of anyone else.
4. Likewise, ladies, your navy, brown and/or black shirts require either dark or flesh colored undergarments.  White under these dark colors is a NO-NO!
5. The same rule applies to your skirts/dresses.  If your skirt is light colored, please REFRAIN from advertising the fact that you are indeed wearing underthings by choosing those that are brightly colored or wildly patterned.
6. For Heaven's sake, my sisters, invest in a few slips!  I know...this makes me sound old and terribly old fashioned.  I'd rather be old fashioned and you not be able to see through my skirt than to be so modern that when standing in the right light, you could see to China through my skirt.  They aren't that expensive...and they come in a variety of colors...I recommend white, off white and black.  You can get more detailed with the color if need be, but that basic trio will serve you nicely.  A good rule of thumb is if you can see your own hand through the fabric, you need a slip.  If in doubt, put it on...better covered than exposed.
7. As to the waistband of your jeans, girls...it takes everything in my not to holler "THERE SHE BLOWS" when I see your thongs riding above the equator of your pants.  Seriously...the only whale tales I ever WANT to see are out on the ocean.  I'm not advocating "mom jeans" or any other hateful high wasted pant, but there IS a happy medium....FIND IT!

The inspiration for this letter came to me at Chick-Fil-A.  Yesterday, as I sat happily munching on what has to be THE best fried chicken sandwich in all the world, a young lady walked past me looking for a booth.  As she walked away from me, I nearly choked on a mouth full of fried chicken goodness!  Clearly seen through the filmy, gauzy, hippy-dippy fabric of her baby doll dress was her BLACK THONG!  I so wanted to tell her that I could see clear through her dress, but then I wondered if she would care.  Would she be at all embarrassed?  She walked out of the house in a blush-taupe-creamy tea colored dress with black underwear on...she made that choice.  Chances are, my breath would be wasted.  So I said nothing...at risk of looking like a harpy old lady, who is lame and old fashioned.

I might be just that...lame and old-fashioned...but this is one girl's undies that will never be on public display!  And aren't you all glad for that!????

Sincerely,

Yankee Belle