Swimming in the Testosterone Tank

It's hard being the only girl-person in the house.  Any of y'all feelin' me on this?  I didn't grow up with boys...it was Mama, Sister A and I against the world.  I've always known and accepted that there are certain undeniable differences between the genders (and DUH...beyond the obvious anatomical ones...oh, and please don't ask about Chas-used to be Chastity-Bono...I can't explain that), but being the only pink in a house full of blue, those differences tend to get rightupcloseandinmyface.  Being the observer of human nature that I am (code for "people watcher"), these differences are sometimes very interesting and humorous.  Other times, they are just flippin' annoying!  Does that sound harsh?  I LOVE my Boys, make no mistake about that.  Mr. Snark and the Younglings mean everything to me...just everything!  God put me on this Earth for them...they are my heart, they are my loves, they are my pride and joy.  But there are days when this is REALLY hard to remember that and it usually comes down to the alphabet...I'm an XX (as in chromosome...I don't go around telling folks what size britches I wear) trying to deal with XY's...and things get lost in translation.  For example:

• The Younglings went back to TN with the MILove during Christmas Break.  Mr. Snark and I arrive a few days later.  In my folding of their freshly laundered clothes, I realize that Y2 is short on draw's (translation=underwear).  Like completely deficient!  He's been there 4 days and I have one pair.  Upon investigation, I find ample supply of clean draw's in his suitcase.  When questioned about this rather grody (how 80's is that, right?)truth, he confesses that he has not been changing his draw's like he should...like he knows he should...LIKE HE'S BEEN TAUGHT!  His defense?  "But Mama, I'm on vacation!"  Seriously?  I didn't know that there was such a thing when it came to good hygiene!
• The humor in watching video clips of people wiping out...it makes me sick to my stomach, but I promise you, the three of them could sit and watch hours of their brethren being whipping boys for Gravity!  Skateboards, bikes, motorcycles, trampolines, snowmobiles....the harder they fall the funnier it is!  What is that?  You'd think there would be some sort of empathy for one of their kind injuring certain HIGHLY sensitive areas, but no.
• The horseplay....I've never met other girl-persons who greet each other with headlocks or slaps on the back of the head.  Hmmm...nor do I want to, come to think of it.  BUT, this is common around here and while the mood is playful, the appearance of it would make an outsider wonder.
• The need to conquer, dominate, and master....it's a WWII video game and BTW...we already won!
• Hollering at the TV....excuse me...the players CANNOT hear you!  And you stripping your vocal chords will do NOTHING to help them.  And you need to know that I will be completely lacking in one small drop of sympathy for you when you are complaining about your sort throat tomorrow!

I realize that maintaining this line of thought renders me politically incorrect in some circles and antiquated in others.  I generally don't have dealings with those circles, so whatever!  Countless experts have written books and published theory to refute what I'm saying....again...whatever!  These "experts" and "theorists" are dealing with controlled experiments...where the outcome can be manipulated according to the controls that are in place.  News flash to the Drs. KnowItAll  everywhere....life is NOT a controllable experiment.  And I'll put my life's experience...my "street cred", as it were, up against their "expertise" any day of the week.  I don't want My Boys to be something they aren't.  No way.  But I would like them to understand my side of things.  I like to think that in the nearly 19 years of Matrimonial Bliss (wipe that smirk of your face, please)that Mr. Snark and I have shared, I have opened his eyes to my way of thinking.  I hope that when The Younglings venture into the world of "dating" (Oh Lord...I'm not ready), they remember the things that I have taught them and that the young ladies they date will be thankful.

My life is good....could it be better, of course, but it truly is a good life.  I have a husband who works very hard to provide for his family and who takes his role as Hubby/Daddy very seriously.  But he also loves to play and truth be told, he can be the most unruly of them all.  My Younglings...they are growing and changing so fast.  Makes my head spin.  I count it a great privilege to be their mama.  They are two of my greatest blessings.  So, here I am...content to float around in my personal sea of Boyo Blue...in my bright pink polka-dotted swim suit...using my bright pink floaty that is covered in hearts and rainbows.  GIRL POWER!